


Dearest

by KlingonEtiquette



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Epistolary, Letters, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Unsent letters, and from Aziraphale to Crowley, letters from Crowley to Aziraphale during their disagreement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-04-11 16:51:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19113817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KlingonEtiquette/pseuds/KlingonEtiquette
Summary: Letters written between Crowley and Aziraphale (but never sent) before the end of the world.





	1. Chapter 1

Angel,

I'm sorry. 

Is that what you need to hear? That I'm sorry? That I fucked up and I know I fucked up and I would do anything—anything at all—to make it up to you? There's no shred of pride I wouldn't toss aside right here, right now to show you how sorry I am. There's no bridge I wouldn't burn to bring you back to me. ~~I didn't know how to say it before, but I love you~~ I need to know you're going to be all right if the world goes to Hell (or Heaven) tomorrow. I can't bear the thought of you out there alone. I can't bear the thought of you hating me. I can't bear the thought that this, whatever it is we have going here, is over. 

I never beg. You know I never beg, Angel, but I'm begging you now: Please don't walk away from me. Please don't leave me alone at the end of the world. I can't be alone. You don't know what it's like to fall, but I do, and it's frightening and painful ~~and so fucking lonely~~ , and I don't want to feel like that again. ~~I don't want to be alone anymore.~~

Forgive me. Forgive me, Angel, please. I love you. I've loved you since you put your wing over me in Eden. It was raining and I know you didn't like the rain anymore than I did, but you reached out to shelter me and I felt... I don't know. For the first time since I fell, I felt safe and warm and like I wasn't alone anymore. I knew we were supposed to be enemies. I knew it, but it didn't matter anymore. Do you think it was a coincidence we kept showing up in the same place at the same time? Do you think it was a mistake? It wasn't a mistake. I found you, wherever you were, and I went to you. I had to be near you. I had to know you would be there when I looked beside me. 

Don't think I don't know what you're thinking right now. You're thinking this is a trick, that all I ever wanted to do was bring you down with me or make you fall or something, that I've been working for Hell for so long that I've forgotten what it's like to be in love. But the truth is, I didn't know what love was until after I fell. Until the first time I laid eyes on you guarding Eden. I saw you and I knew. 

You don't have to believe me. But I couldn't go into the end of the world without telling you how I felt. 

~~Love,~~

~~Yours truly,~~

~~Yours eternally,~~

~~Yours always,~~

~~Sincerely,~~

~~All my love,~~

Yours truly, eternally, faithfully,

Crowley. 


	2. Chapter 2

My Dearest Crowley,

There are so many things I want to say to you now that we are each on our own. More than anything, I want to tell you how sorry I am for the things we said. For my part, they were cruel in ways you didn't deserve. I thought I could protect you if I drove you away. It's all I have ever wanted, to keep you ~~by my side~~ safe, but I'm afraid I've only made things worse. You wanted to run away together, but I knew I would only bring you to ruin. Angels have never been very good at running away. 

Is it my imagination, or did I hear a sliver of hope in the way you said you would never be forgiven. Whose forgiveness were you asking for? ~~If it is mine, my dear, you know you never need to ask.~~

If ~~we are~~ I am to die tomorrow, I want you to know that I love you. Not simply as my oldest friend. Funny, isn't it, how hard it is to find the words to say something so... trivial? Humans fall in love all the time. They fall in and out of love, they kiss, they cry, they argue, and then, eventually, they die. You and I are so human already, we might as well give in to our fates. We might as well let the Great Plan run its course. If we die, we die as we have lived: together.

You remember saving my books. You must. I used to tell myself I fell in love with you then, but I think that's only the moment I realized I was in love with you. The fall, if you'll forgive the expression, happened long before then. Perhaps even in Eden. You looked into my eyes and you asked if there was the smallest chance that you, a demon, had done the right thing. I told you I didn't think it was possible. You were and are a demon. Your very nature excludes the possibility of good deeds. But I knew in my heart I was wrong. Without knowing the difference between good and evil, how could people truly be good? You opened that door for them and I knew then that angels can fall in love. 

Since that moment, I have only known one miracle. You, Crowley, are the most wonderful miracle I have ever seen or heard of. And now, I'm afraid, I have ruined that miracle. 

Eternally yours, 

Aziraphale. 

P.S. If we do somehow survive the apocalypse, I don't suppose you'd like to have a drink with me in the bookshop? Or perhaps we can apologize to each other over some tea. 


End file.
